How to talk with your kids about the death of a terrorist

My two tweens woke up to the television's images of young people smiling faces, rejoicing in the streets, chanting "USA! USA! USA!" They learned that a "bad man" was dead, a terrorist named Osama Bin Laden who was hiding from the U.S. government after heinous crimes like 9/11 and other acts of terror. 


"They are partying because he's dead?" "Why are we so happy we killed someone - to punish them?" "Didn't other people die in the raid? Were they terrorists too?" Tweens are smart and ask tough questions, and know just enough to make those questions genuinely baffling for parents trying to gather information and figure out their own feelings when it comes to politics and world events. 



I tend to tell my kids, who are pretty worldly, the straight truth in a calm, matter-of-fact way... then gauge their reactions before I go further, focusing more on helping them process those feelings before we discuss all the details of the event. In my view, it's better to carefully and gently educate our kids than keep them in a bubble. I don't think tweens are to be coddled... I know how smart, curious, questioning, and internet savvy they are, and I respect them for having those skills. We make equal time for the Disney Channel as we do NatGeo, CNN and the Military Channel (my son's new favorite channel). 


Some kids handle world news with deeper emotion and empathy, feeling anxious or even "bad" for even the bad guy. While we admire their connection to our global community, we want to support our government and its troops and help them understand why we do what we do as one of the world's mightiest freedom fighters. (And I don't agree with everything our government chooses to do, but that's a post for a different blog.) 


Here are some tips for talking to your kids about Osama Bin Laden's death from the wise folks, posted by Janice D'Arcy of the Washington Post parenting section. I particularly love that they remind parents to assess what your child wants to know and proceed to talk with them to the point that they choose to discuss the topic... sometimes we tell kids more than they care to know!

Equally as helpful is DC therapist Jennifer Kogan's developmental milestones for talking to your child about death in general:

• Preschool children usually see death as temporary. Death can be very confusing to them. They may think you can “wish” someone dead.

• Ages 5 to 9: Most kids begin to see that death is final and that all living things die, but still they do not see death as personal.

** Ages 9 to 12: Children may see death as punishment for poor behavior. They have developed a strong sense of good and bad and ask more about what happened.

• Teenagers: They view death as inevitable, universal, irreversible and may question the meaning of life.

The death of a despot is an opportunity for you to connect with your tweens on a deeper level. Keep talking, exploring, questioning and learning WITH your kids, and you'll be setting a great example for the future.